I wish I could punch you in the face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
