So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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