can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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