and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
