butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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