Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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