Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
