my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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