i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
