I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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