Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He did a backflip because drugs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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