I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
