Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
