I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
