Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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