His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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