you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
