ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize