What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
