I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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