we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
