If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
