I seem to have left my pride at pride
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize