my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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