I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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