No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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