you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
