Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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