And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
