week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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