Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
