Screwed.edu
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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