My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
