yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
