Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
