i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
