After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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