She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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