i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
