"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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