What tipped you off? The sombrero?
nutella sex= disaster
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
