I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
