Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
