Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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