i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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