im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
