the day after is always just damage control
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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