The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
