Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
