How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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