addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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