I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
