Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
