16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
