I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize