girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
