So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
