you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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