Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
