Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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