i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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