dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
