he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
