Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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