I accidentally had phone sex last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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