chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
