I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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