i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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