After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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