i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
