sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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