Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
