So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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