New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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